I have a question that has troubled me for many years. I slept with my cousin, and even after so many years abroad, I can't let go of that incident.

I entered society quite early and mingled with many people, including young folks. Sometimes, we even had threesomes when we were broke. I lived like a female thug, collecting protection money with blond punks. However, this reckless life didn't last long. In 2017, I was tricked into a prostitution ring, where men abused me for 300 yuan each time. Initially, I resisted, but later, I found pleasure and money in it and didn't think of escaping until my family reported me missing and I was rescued from that place.

Since then, I developed a bad habit of living off others, frequently seeking men who would pay me and sleep with me. I admit I became a prostitute.

But my cousin, he is naive and honest, and our elders are ignorant. We only met as children and were thought to be just kids, so we were allowed to sleep in the same room. My cousin, being an athlete, had a well-built body with six-pack abs, which I admired. One night, I suddenly had an idea and asked him if I could kiss him. It was like opening Pandora's box, and things escalated uncontrollably.

His strong and powerful manhood brought me continuous orgasms. Since that incident, we haven't seen each other for many years. I tried to talk to him before, but he resisted and even blocked me on WeChat a few times.

I think maybe I took his virginity back then, or did something many would feel ashamed of. Now, having been in Thailand for two years and having made some money, how should I move on from this period, or how should I make it up to my cousin?